A new appreciation

Having a baby was the best thing I've ever done for my body.  For the record:  I currently weigh 30 pounds more than I did when I got married.  By the end of my pregnancy I weighed 50 pounds more than when I got married (I gained 37 during pregnancy.  You're welcome.)  I have never been this heavy (exception: when preggo), my hair is falling out by the handful, my skin is going crazy, and I am sleep deprived.  However, I've never had more respect and love for my body.
I've struggled with body image my entire life.  I spent years being treated for an eating disorder, and though I haven't acted on those desires in a very long time they are always in my head.  I know that I have a distorted body image. 
I feel like my whole life I've had a me versus my body mentality.  When I exercised it was to beat my body into submission; I attached emotions to food and either allowed my body what it wanted or overcame it and declined.  It wasn't until I witnessed my body create this beautiful life that I really got it.  My body had never made a baby before, yet it did everything perfectly and produced this healthy little boy.  It took care of him and his needs as well as my own.  Once he was out, my body shrank back down yet continues to provide the food and protection that my baby needs.  This is amazing to me.  Who cares if I carry more weight than I did before I had a baby, or that I have stretch marks or wear a bigger size.  If that's what my body needs in order to keep my baby healthy than so be it! 
I'm done attaching emotion to food; I'm done beating my body into submission; I'm done obsessing about how small my body is in comparison to someone else's.  My body made Asher, and because of that I will treat it with respect.

One year ago I peed on a stick and everything changed.......

Yep, that about says it.  One year ago today I had this persistent feeling that I, perhaps, was preggo.  We were going away for the weekend, so I thought I would go ahead and pee on a stick so I could stop obsessing--if only I knew that was the beginning of the obsession!!  So began the 38 weeks of worry, morning sickness, weight gain, stretch marks, maternity clothes, BIGGER maternity clothes, and those precious kicks from inside.
Here I am, one year later with a four month old.  Right now, I am sitting in a room that is totally different, listening to my husband play with our son at an hour when we would have been sleeping if not for baby.  I can honestly say that I've never been more exhausted, yet utterly happy in my entire life.

Asher--4 months